Week Thirty-Nine: Sarah McLachlan - "Possession" - Fumbling Towards Ecstasy

I think this song is so incredibly beautiful, which is why I saved it for last, but I also think it was very bold on the part of Sarah McLachlan to compose such a song. If you are uncertain as to what I am referring exactly, the lyrics to this song supposedly contain excerpts from letters that a stalker was sending to Sarah.

In fact, I consulted the ever-trusty wikipedia for a more in-depth version of exactly what occurred:

In 1994, McLachlan was sued by Uwe Vandrei, an obsessed fan from Ottawa, Ontario, who alleged that his love letters to her had been the basis of "Possession". This lawsuit never came to trial as the plaintiff committed suicide. 

The lawsuit was also challenging for the Canadian legal system; the suit was essentially a frivolous complaint by Vandrei, a self-admitted stalker, in an attempt to get close to McLachlan, and the trial was delayed significantly by discussions of how to ensure McLachlan's physical safety during the proceedings.

In an interview in Rolling Stone three years later, McLachlan added, "And this one person wasn't the only guy ... there were a lot of letters from other people saying the same kind of thing ... Writing the song 'Possession' was very therapeutic."

Listen as the wind blows

From across the great divide

Voices trapped in yearning

Memories trapped in time

The night is my companion

And solitude my guide

Would I spend forever here

And not be satisfied?

And I would be the one

To hold you down

Kiss you so hard

I'll take your breath away

And after I

Wipe away the tears

Just close your eyes dear

Through this world I've stumbled

So many times betrayed

Trying to find an honest word to find

The truth enslaved

Oh you speak to me in riddles and

You speak to me in rhymes

My body aches to breathe your breath

Your words keep me alive

And I would be the one

To hold you down

Kiss you so hard

I'll take your breath away

And after I

Wipe away the tears

Just close your eyes dear

Into this night I wander

It's morning that I dread

Another day of knowing of

The path I fear to tread

Oh into the sea of waking dreams

I follow without pride

Nothing stands between us here

And I won't be denied

And I would be the one

To hold you down

Kiss you so hard

I'll take your breath away

And after I

Wipe away the tears

Just close your eyes dear

I'll hold you down

Kiss you so hard

I'll take your breath away

And after I

Wipe away the tears

Just close your eyes

Week Thirty-Nine: Sarah McLachlan - "Vox" - Touch

This song reminds me of my gay best friend from college. He told me that he had his very first kiss with a boy to this song. Then the boy decided that he didn't want to be gay, so he started calling my friend a homo and a f@ggot and making fun of him with the other guys.

Sometimes, when we would go out the The Church at The Lizard Lounge, they would play this song in the wee hours of the morning. It would make my friend so sad, and he would always grab my hand and squeeze it three times and ask me to squeeze his back four times.

I never really understood the significance behind it... so I asked him about it one day. I guess it was a code that he and his first boyfriend had. Instead of saying, "I love you," because it was so awkward for both of them, squeezing three times was symbolic of "I love you". Then squeezing back four times was symbolic of "I love you too..." Apparently, this is a fairly common thing that I somehow managed to miss out on because I have heard about it from others too.

I own the CD single for this song, and it has a really cool extended remix, so I'm including a youtube clip for that below the lyrics...

In the desert of my dreams

I saw you there

And I'm walking towards

the water steaming

body cold and bare

But your words cut loose the fire

and you left my soul to bleed

And the pain

that's in your truths deceiving me

has got me scared

Oh why?

Through your eyes

the strains of battle

like a brooding storm

You're up and down

these pristine velvet walls

like focus never forms

My walls are getting wider

and my eyes are drawn astray

I see you now a vague deception

of a dying day

Oh why?

I fall into the water

and once more I turn to you

and the crowds were standing staring faceless

cutting off my view to you

They start to limply flail their bodies

in a twisted mime

And I'm lost inside this tangled web

in which I'm lain entwined

You're gone and I'm lost inside

this tangled web in which I'm lain entwined

Oh why?

Week Thirty-Nine: Sarah McLachlan - "I Will Remember You" - Rarities, B-Sides & Other Stuff

Wowzer... this song makes me so, so sad!!! Where do I even begin?!?!?! 

Okay, here goes... my very first year of teaching, I had a student in my homeroom named Devin. Devin was an amazing young lady. She played almost every sport that the school offered. She had a quirky sense of humor. She sang in choir, and she was on my speech team. Devin was also an aspiring actress, and we were working on her audition piece to get into Booker T. Washington.

Devin went home one Friday afternoon... and she never came back. That Sunday night, she died from pneumonia. Her parents knew she was ill, and they even took her to one of those facilities that administers care on the weekends. However, they had no idea how ill she truly was until she began coughing up massive amounts of blood. By then, it was too late.

I remember the principal coming to my room before the students arrived and telling me the news. I also remember her instructing me to act as if nothing was wrong until the priest arrived to tell the students. I was in shock that she would even request such a thing of me. I looked her straight in the eyes and said, "I have done everything that you have asked of me this year without question, but this is one thing that I cannot and will not do. You must get someone to come sit with my class and let me have some time to process what you have just told me." Fortunately, she was very accommodating.

I cannot even begin to express in words what it was like to sit in my classroom and hear the priest reveal to my homeroom students that Devin was never coming back. It was like time stopped, and everything began to move in slow motion. It's difficult enough for adults to deal with death and loss, but that year, there were 78 students in the 8th grade... and we had to attend to all of their needs... at once.

I have been to many funerals over the years, but I have never felt the same feeling of emptiness that I felt when I had to partake in the funeral of a 14-year-old girl. One of her classmates, who had the most beautiful voice, sang this song at the funeral. If you know anything about the Catholic faith and traditions, it is a big no-no to sing secular songs during religious ceremonies, but the priest was amazing and was willing to overlook it for the sake of Devin and her grieving classmates. 

It took us weeks to get back to a routine that felt even close to being normal, but we never got over the loss...

I will remember you

Will you remember me? 

Don't let your life pass you by

Weep not for the memories

I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep

It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word

We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard

I will remember you
Will you remember me? 

Don't let your life pass you by

Weep not for the memories

I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose

Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night

You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light

And I will remember you
Will you remember me? 

Don't let your life pass you by

Weep not for the memories

And I will remember you
Will you remember me? 

Don't let your life pass you by

Weep not for the memories

Weep not for the memories 

Week Thirty-Nine: Sarah McLachlan (with Delerium) - "Silence" - Karma

So, I had to turn in my letter of intent to resign from my teaching position for the 2013-2014 school year last week, and it feels so surreal!!! All I have known for the last nine years is teaching, and now I am going to take a huge leap of faith at the age of 35 and make a career transition into the legal field.

No longer will I get to enjoy the shock factor when I reveal to others that not only am I a junior high teacher but that I also instruct at a Catholic school and have done so for the entire nine years that I have been teaching --- no longer will I get asked the utterly ridiculous questions, "So does that mean you're a nun?" & "Do you have to wear the school girl uniform too?" Revealing to others that I am a paralegal is just not going to have the same effect! And I doubt that many of you are celebrating this stellar event... regardless, Happy Catholic Schools' Week!!! :-D

This Delerium song, featuring Sarah McLachlan, seemed like an appropriate tune for my current circumstances because the music and Sarah's singing are so surreal-sounding. I love how this song starts out with Gregorian Chant. I attended Catholic school, myself, for many, many years (10 years - to be exact), and I had one choir teacher who loved Gregorian Chant. We would spend a full hour in chants of Gloria and Excelsis Deo and so on and so forth... it's very hypnotizing... the closest we ever get now at the school where I teach is when we sing the Agnus Dei at weekly Mass sometimes...

I am also including another one of my favorite Delerium tunes called "Incantation" (but this one features Kristy Thirsk) below the lyrics because I seriously doubt that I will ever revisit Delerium at a later point...

Give me release

Witness me

I am outside

Give me peace

Heaven holds a sense of wonder

And I wanted to believe that I'd get caught up 

When the rage in me subsides

Passion

Chokes the flower

Until she cries no more

Possessing all the beauty

Hungry still for more

Heaven holds a sense of wonder

And I wanted to believe that I'd get caught up 

When the rage in me subsides

In this white wave

I am sinking 

In this silence

In this white wave...

In this silence...

I believe 

I can't help this longing...

Comfort me... 

I can't hold it all in...

If you won't let me...

Heaven holds a sense of wonder

And I wanted to believe that I'd get caught up

When the rage in me subsides

In this white wave

I am sinking

In this silence

In this white wave...

In this silence...

I believe I have seen you...

In this white wave

You are silent

You are breathing

In this white wave...

I am free

Week Thirty-Eight: Cause & Effect - "Nothing Comes to Mind" - Another Minute

I have honestly heard the word "melodize", from the first line of the lyrics to this song, used so infrequently that I think it has become one of my new favorites. It has such a flow to it... I love the way it kind of rolls off the tongue. 

Another word that I really dig is "chortle", and the only reason that I even mention it is because my 7th graders had to memorize "Jabberwocky", and they have been reciting it in front of their classmates this week. For all of you who don't know this, Lewis Carroll actually made-up the word "chortle" by combining "chuckle" and "snort", and it became so commonly used that it found a place in the Oxford Dictionary. However, the only way to actually understand "Jabberwocky" is to consult Humpty Dumpty's Dictionary of Nonsense Terms... the things we teach kids these days, right?!?!?! But they love the poem, and memorization is part of the curriculum; so I go with it!!!

Now, back to this song... what it reminds me of is those periods of life when we are forced to numb or to anesthetize ourselves... and everybody has them. I don't know anyone who has been lucky enough to live a life free from some type of emotional pain. I guess that the reason that I feel so inclined to talk about it is because of some of the memories that were stirred up as a result of this week's posts. However, I am so far removed from that period of my life - it was almost a decade ago - that even though I know it all happened and that it was wretchedly horrible, it still kind of feels like it happened to someone else. 

People often ask me why I stayed with him for so long... I'm not really sure because it is impossible to rationalize irrational behaviors no matter how hard you try... the only thing I have come up with, and even this is difficult for many to understand, is that I thought that, one day, maybe my goodness and kindness would overcome his evilness... but it doesn't happen that way... and some women die trying...

So I guess that what I would like to share is that if you are going through any rough patch in life - and my rough patch lasted six years --- whatever it may be, just remember that, as cheesy and over-rated as this statement sounds: this too shall pass. You've just got to trust me on this one. And yours will also eventually become a distant memory of times gone by, and you can come out on the other side a stronger and wiser individual... And yes, there will be some people who will judge you harshly and "cast stones" at every twist and turn, but there will also be some who will love you tenderly and carry you through it until you can again hold your own...

To melodize your thoughts

To compromise your peace of mind

Open up your heart

You couldn't have the power to be unkind

You're searching for some truth

The hurting is unbearable

There's nothing you can do

Just wade through the waters of the terrible

When I think about it

Nothing comes to mind

When I try to solve it 

Nothing comes to mind

Every day I sit and wait

Is this love or only hate

When I think about it

Nothing comes to mind

You're holding back the tears

You thought you were invincible

There's nothing you can fear

Just wade through the waters of the terrible

When I think about it

Nothing comes to mind

When I try to solve it

Nothing comes to mind

Every day I sit and wait

Is this love or only hate

When I think about it

Nothing comes to mind 

Faith in me is getting hard to keep

Faith in you is getting hard to find

Can't you see that I am losing sleep 

While you run through the riches 

That you always find

When I think about it

Nothing comes to mind
When I try to solve it
Nothing comes to mind

Every day I sit and wait

Is this love or only hate

When I think about it 

Nothing comes to mind

And so I don't leave you on a glum note this week, I'll include another one of their club hits, "What Do You See"...

Week Thirty-Eight: Cause & Effect - "It's Over Now" - Trip

Ha! So, as I was listening to this song, I was thinking about how my friend and I would play this game in college where we would try our hardest to incorporate song titles and song lyrics into our everyday conversations.

Anytime we were able to accomplish this task, we earned *a point*! These points didn't amount to anything really, other than reinforcing an ultimate coolness factor in our own minds, but it was still fun to play.

I was also thinking about how I should have recorded this song over and over and over again on a cassette and given it to the ex that I mentioned in this week's opening post. Sadly, his sick-and-twisted sociopathic and narcissistic mind would have probably completely overlooked the fact that the song clearly states: "It's Over Now". Oh no, he would have seen the gesture of giving him the cassette as an ounce of hope; so it's probably better that I didn't...

I guess it's over now 

I think we've seen the end

When our common dream

Faltered in-the-betweens 

Though I've tried so hard to make it real 

It doesn't matter now 

I guess it never did

(chorus)

And it's alright alright alright with me

And it's alright if that's how you want it to be 

I've learned through weaknesses
and through the web of your lies
That everyday I live
Another piece of me dies
And in the black and white
I found a need to move on
To find a road of gold
A throne to live upon

And it's alright alright alright with me
And it's alright if that's how you want it to be 

If there's a reason for the pain
Then let me know
 If there's a reason for the pain
Then let me know
If there's a reason for the pain
Then let me know
If I'm the reason for your pain
Then let me go 

And it's alright alright alright with me.
And it's alright if that's how you want it to be. 

Week Thirty-Eight: Cause & Effect - "You Think You Know Her" - Another Minute

Holy Cannoli!!! I luvs me some good synthpop!!! See this song has me so befuddled that I cannot even write in the proper English form.

This was one of those tunes that you were sure to hear almost weekly at The Wall's synthpop night, but it was also one of those tunes that would pack the dance floor!

It's so ridiculous to me that people are always talking about how much this band sounded like Depeche Mode as if it were something bad and insulting. What band of this genre would not have wanted to be compared to Depeche Mode?!?!?!

This song is also a vivid reminder of how people have a tendency to take loved ones for granted --- until they are long gone...

Like children

Rarely seen and never heard

Emotion

Bare your soul you'll never learn

But don't ask why

And you won't get lied to

Speak to her softly

It's something you get used to

(Chorus)

You think you know her

But you never really

Lived a life without her

Though you couldn't tell me

The things she said

The books she read

The way she looked when the morning came

The time of night that you held her tight

But you'll never forget the day she ran away

I found her all alone lost in a crowd

When she saw me

I felt so much I cried aloud

She turned away

I couldn't speak to stop her

The only sound I heard

Was the echo of her laughter

Chorus

The things she said

The books she read

The way she looked when the morning came

The time of night that you held her tight

But you'll never forget the day she ran away

Repeat To Fade 

Week Thirty-Eight: Cause & Effect - "Another Minute" - Another Minute

If you have been keeping up with this blog, then you have probably been able to use your deductive reasoning skills to determine that I spent a substantial portion of my life in the equivalent of what I can only assume is Hell with an incredibly abusive ex-boyfriend. However, just to give you a prime example of what a complete douche-nozzle and prick he really was, I will tell you the story of this song. 

Before I met him, I was familiar with Cause & Effect from hearing them on The EDGE. However, they often played their more popular tunes, “You Think You Know Her” and “It's Over Now”; so I was not as familiar with “Another Minute”, but I had at least heard it a couple of times.

After my ex and I broke up, he eventually started dating another girl, who just so happened to be the best friend of the guy that I was dating at the time. Imagine that!?!?!? So he moved in with her a few weeks later, because that is his m.o. (modus operandi or method of operation - for those of you not familiar with serial killer books/programs), and he began the process of destroying her life.

So, at some point, he decided to use her CDs to make me a mixed tape to try to win me back. Apparently while he was in the process of making the tape, she even asked him if he intended to give it to me. Of course, he vehemently denied that those were his intentions.

She and I ended up being good friends many, many years after she dated/lived with him. She asked me one day if he did, indeed, give me that mixed tape and then proceeded to tell me how he used one of her blank cassettes and her CDs to make it. I told her that I would have happily returned it to her if I had not enjoyed every second I spent destroying it in a therapy session.

Fortunately, there is no one song that reminds me of this jack*ss ex because he and I shared such close taste in music from the very beginning, and much of what was discovered during the relationship was discovered simultaneously; so that prevented me from having to rid myself of my entire music collection, like I had to rid myself of many other items, in order to symbolically rid myself of him; I do, however, remember that the mixed tape began with this song... and please don't hold his idiotic behavior against this band or this song... because they are a really good band, and this is a really good song!!!

Let's not wait another minute
Would you lie to me
And tell me that it isn't true
Take the life from me
With the special little things you do
Once again I feel it's time to get
Down and kneel time to pray
Once more that you'll give me
What I came here for
Let's not wait another minute
This is love with nothing in it
Let me come and kneel before you
It's time to be what we want to be
Could you talk to me
And tell me what I want to hear
Deep inside of me
Is a special little thing called fear
Take me in your arms don't tell me
It's a false alarm
Give me just once more
The act that both of us came here for
Let's not wait another minute
This is love with nothing in it
Let me come and kneel before you
It's time to be what we want to be

Week Thirty-Seven: Love & Rockets - "Haunted When the Minutes Drag" - Seventh Dream of Teenage Heaven

This song is so damn seeeexxxyyy... and haunting!!! What I am offering you today is the USA Mix of the song because the original is actually over 8 minutes long --- even though it really doesn't seem like 8 minutes to me when I'm listening. On the 2000 remastered edition of Seventh Dream of Teenage Heaven, they added the USA Mix as track 12 and cut it down to a little over 4 minutes.  ***They took the shortened version down, so I'm going to have to replace it with the 8 minute version***

When I was deciding if I should use the original 8 minute version or the shortened version and was searching through youtube, I found an introduction by Perry Farrell (Jane's Addiction) that he did for Love & Rockets at their 2008 Lollapalooza performance, so I'll include that for you, as well. However, Perry drops the f*bomb in the intro, so be careful of who might be around when you play it.

I've also scanned my ticket stub from the 1999 show at Deep Ellum Live. I could not, for the life of me, remember who opened for that show; so I looked it up. It was Orgy, and they put on a completely lackluster performance and ripped off New Order's "Blue Monday" in order to find fame; so it's no wonder I did my best to forget about them...

The word that would best describe this feeling would be, 'Haunted'. I touch the clothes you left behind that still retain your shape and lines, still haunted. I trace the outline of your eyes, we're in the mirror hypnotized, I'm haunted. I find a solitary hair gone and still I reminisce, I'm haunted.

Haunted by your soul. Haunted by your hair. Haunted by your clothes. Haunted by your eyes, by your soul, by your hair, by your clothes, by your eyes, by your voice, by your smile, by your mouth, by your soul, by your hair, by your clothes, by your eyes, by your voice, by your smile, by your mouth, by your soul, HAUNTED.

So this is for when you're feeling happy again, and this is for when you feeling sad, and this is for when you feel something. Ohh, when the minutes drag.

And to take you out this week, here is the video for another one of their hits, "No New Tale to Tell"...

Week Thirty-Seven: Love & Rockets - "Yin and Yang (The Flowerpot Man)" - Express

Okay, so I'll be the first to admit that this song is a little bit weird - ("alcohol is your yoga baby" --- what???), and the video is equally bizarre, especially with the infamous "Bubblemen" making appearances throughout... however, I cannot help but be completely energized when I hear it! Every time I watch the video, I also cannot help but think about how cramped their arms must have gotten from all of that super-quick guitar strumming and drum playing, as well!!!

When I used to frequent The Church at The Lizard Lounge in the late '90s, one of the DJs would sometimes spin this song in the wee hours of the morning. As you can imagine, it was pretty much a floor-clearing tune, especially since it doesn't have the most danceable beat, but you would always have a handful of Love & Rockets fanatics (me included) doing their best to shake it down to this song!!!

Today, I'm including my ticket stub for the 1996 show at Trees. That show was phenomenal... and The Dandy Warhols opened for them. I managed to get up so close to the stage that I was afraid I was going to get crushed at certain points, but it was sooooooo worth it!!! Wowzer --- I'm also utterly shocked that I only paid $12 to see them play live... what a bargain...

Under the wheel of the running train

Like a dog in the pouring rain

Diamond days cut and dry

But beauty in the hurricane's eye

Under fire under thumb

No golden hand no golden sun

Diamond days cut and dry

But beauty in the hurricane's eye

Chorus:

Beauty beauty beauty beautiful

Beauty beauty beauty beautiful

Alcohol is your yoga baby

Gonna call out my name

Then I'm gonna rain

All over you

All over you

Diamond days cut and dry

But beauty in the hurricane's eye

(chorus x2)

And here's another well-known hit... "Ball of Confusion"...

Week Thirty-Seven: Love & Rockets - "Mirror People" - Earth, Sun, Moon

Prior to the band I was in selecting our "official" name, we were called The Mirror People, after this Love & Rockets song. We played at least two shows under that name, one of them being on New Years Eve of 1999, spilling over into 2000.

Then when we dropped our drummer and went to an electronic drum kit, we dropped The Mirror People name, as well. I personally liked The Mirror People far better than the name we settled on, but I suppose the other one did sound a bit more electronic.

What I have to share with you today is a few newspaper clippings for the 1996 Love & Rockets show at Trees which came from The Dallas Observer, as well as a flyer that was placed on my vehicle one evening when I was parked near Trees.

A few things to point out on the clippings... you might notice a few bands that I have already mentioned... like locals, Quickserv Johnny, who used to stop by "the deli", as well as The Meices, who were part of Empire Records week. Echobelly is on one of the clippings too from Mixed-Tape Madness week, and they also make mention of Pagan Rhythms!!!

I'm so happy with my feet on the ground
So happy, my head spins around
Quite content to sit on this fence
Quite content now a little bit older
The mirror people one day shall be free
The mirror people laugh at you and laugh at me
The mirror people, know not how to cry
So they scream, the mirror people scream inside
Because I could be nothing at all
Because I should be nothing at all
I wish I could be nothing at all
I wish I could be nothing at all
Time goes by so slow
When you're stuck to me
Time goes by so slow
When you're stuck to me
Yes it's true we're all in a gutter
And yes it's true please set me free
The Christian says
I love love everybody
And you and you and you can be free
But I'm so happy with my feet on the ground
So happy my head spins around
Quite content to sit on this fence
Quite content
Now a little bit older
Because I could be nothing at all
Because I should be nothing at all
I wish I could be nothing at all
I wish I could be nothing at all
Time goes by so slow
When you're stuck to me
Time goes by so slow
When you're stuck to me

And here's a video for another one of their hits, "No Big Deal"...

Week Thirty-Seven: Love & Rockets - "All In My Mind" - Express

Since I already touched upon the Bauhaus split when I posted about Peter Murphy, I am not going to harp on it again in my Love & Rockets posts. However, I will reiterate that, prior to the formation of Love & Rockets, Daniel Ash and Kevin Haskins played in Tones On Tail. I am including a video for my favorite song by them, "Go!", below the lyrics.

At first, I was just going to post about the major hits by Love & Rockets, but then I thought it might be better to talk about some of their lesser known gems... and that is the route I decided upon instead. However, just to be kind, I suppose I will also include one of their major hits under the lyrics for each post this week, as well.

I had listened to "All In My Mind" plenty of times and really, really liked it, but it wasn't until I acquired a copy of The Haunted Fish Tank - (I'll include a scan of my copy on VHS below) - and saw the video for the song that I began to really, really, really, really like the song.

I completely dig the more upbeat nature that Love & Rockets took after parting ways with Peter Murphy, but I've said it once and will say it again: "There is absolutely no way for me to decide if I favor Peter Murphy's solo work more or Love & Rockets more because I respect them both for different aspects of their work!"

Walk around so cold

So cold so lonely

Or lay in bed wondering what

To do with time

You've got no sense of fun

Until you know you've won again

And yet you feel so much

You feel so much inside

You want to rip all the

Jewels off all the idiots' backs so badly

You scream give me what I've always

Missed, give me a good time

But if you look into your mirror

You'll see that nobody has ever ripped you off

It's all in your mind

Her beauty can only ever be skin deep

But if I'm honest that's all I ever

Really need

So throw us some flowers and we'll

Give you some songs and sunshine

And if you give me an hour

I'll show you how you feel

Ohhh baby, ohhh I'm much too lazy

Ohhh it's all in my mind

So don't be unkind

It's all in my mind

It's all in my mind

Sometimes you really don't

Really don't really don't know

What I mean

Sometimes you really don't

Really don't really don't

Know what I need

I say I've got no sense of

Fun until I know I've won again

And how do you think yes how

Do you think that feels

So, just give me an hour

I'll show you how you feel

Ohhh baby

Ohhh I'm much too lazy

Ohhh baby

Ohhh it's all in my mind

So don't be unkind

It's all in my mind

(repeat till fade)

And here's a video for "Go!" by Tones On Tail:

And last, but most certainly not least, here is a video for one of Love & Rockets' biggest hits, "So Alive"...