Week One Hundred and Fifty-Seven: Everclear - "Everything to Everyone" - So Much for the Afterglow

Anyone who is actually close to me knows that I am struggling a bit in life at the moment. I suppose it would be the equivalent of an existential crisis. You see, from all outward appearances, my life is ideal. I drive a brand new car. I have a nice place to live. I have money in the bank and 3 months of bills stashed away in savings, just in case. I even have some retirement money invested in a 403(b) plan. However, I'm not sure I completely understand for what it is I am doing all of this exactly. As I was telling my mother the other day, if nothing else, the job that I currently possess has taught me that it doesn't matter if you die with $1 to your name or $100,000,000 to your name, the size of the hole in the ground that everyone is placed in is exactly the same...and nobody gets to take anything with them.

I suppose that the reason that I feel so incredibly stuck at the moment is that I am so close to getting out of the debts that I created for myself when I decided to get my multiple degrees and certificates (and let's be honest here, when I also made seriously stupid life decisions). I feel like I just need to hold out for a bit longer to see what it feels like to finally be out of debt once and for all.

It's kind of funny to me, though, because if you had asked my 15-year-old goth/punk self if she would have ever seen the 37-year-old me in the position that I currently hold, she would have laughed in your face!!! I'm not saying that I'm going to "jump ship" just because things have gotten difficult and demanding.

What I am saying, though, is that instead of continuing to "try to be everything to everyone", I am going to strive for a greater work-life balance. Otherwise, this behavior is going to continue to follow me from career to career to career. I will never escape my workaholic nature. I simply need to reel it in on my own terms.

Until then, I guess I will just continue to "stumble" and "fall down" until I finally "learn"... Oh, and something kind of funny about the video... the uniform skirt that the school girls are wearing is the exact uniform skirt that I wore my freshman year of high school...

You put yourself in stupid places

Yes, I think you know it's true

Situations where it's easy to look down on you

I think you like to be the victim

I think you like to be in pain

I think you make yourself a victim

Almost every single day

You do what you do

You say what you say

You try to be everything to everyone

You know all the right people

You play all the right games

You always try to be everything to everyone

Yeah, you do it again

You always do it again

You say they taught you how to read and write

Yeah, they taught you how to count

I say they taught you how to buy and sell

Your own body by the pound

I think you like to be their simple toy

I think you love to play the clown

I think you are blind to the fact

That the hand you hold is the hand that holds you down

You do what you do

Yeah, you say what you say

You always try to be everything to everyone

You know all the right people

You play all the right games

You always try to be everything to everyone

Spin around and fall down

Do it again

You stumble and you fall

Yeah, why won't you ever learn

Spin around and fall down

Do it again

Yeah, you stumble and you fall

I wonder if you will ever learn

Yeah, why won't you ever learn

Come on now

Do that stupid dance for me

Oh yeah, you do what they tell you to do

You say what they say

You try to be everything to everyone

Yeah, you jump through the big hoop

You play all the right games

You try to be everything to everyone

Spin around and fall down

Do it again

You stumble and you fall

Yeah, you do it again

Spin around and fall down

Do it again

You stumble and you fall