Post #715: lovelytheband - "Broken" - Finding It Hard to Smile

I've been reading a deeply profound book called "Soul Wounds" by Dr. Candice Creasman.

It's one of those experiences where I can hardly remember what I've just read because instead I feel every word so intensely in the depths of my being.  I definitely intend to use it as a road map for future healing, but at the moment, it is shedding light upon all the places where I am broken.  

Yes, I know, we are all broken in our own special ways.  However, what I have come to realize is that one of the areas in which I am severely broken is relationships.  I had always imagined that once I got to this point in my life where I have this exact level of financial well-being, I would be ready to tackle the dating world again.  It just seemed like the next natural progression.  On the contrary, I have instead become so overly protective of my new status, and I am terrified to introduce anyone into the equation for fear that he will ruin it for me.  Of course, that is a direct result of a soul wound and my natural inclination to steer clear of what I perceive as suffering.  You see, what I've really come to realize is that if past relationships have been overall nurturing and validating experiences for an individual, then inviting another into one's life is far more comfortable.  If relationships have created great amounts of pain, then there will naturally be a hesitation and fear to embark upon another one... no matter how far along you have come in life.

I find myself at a crossroads, and this is where I truly see the beauty of living - this is where we get to accept and own our choices.  I'm not sure which one I will make... working on the hesitations and fears in order to once again be part of a couple or acknowledging my situation for what it is and living my best life as a single person.  What I do know is that what's right for me may not be right for you, and what you would choose may not be what I ultimately choose.  Regardless, I love that we each get to write our own stories, and we can even change them mid-chapter if needed.

So this one goes out to all you beautiful broken souls... may you make choices that will ultimately allow you to write a masterpiece!!!

Until next time...

XOXOXO
Anastasia

I like that you're broken

Broken like me

Maybe that makes me a fool

I like that you're lonely

Lonely like me

I could be lonely with you

I met you late night, at a party

Some trust fund baby's Brooklyn loft

By the bathroom, you said let's talk

But my confidence is wearing off

These aren't my people

These aren't my friends

She grabbed my face and that's when she said

I like that you're broken

Broken like me

Maybe that makes me a fool

I like that you're lonely

Lonely like me

I could be lonely with you

There's something tragic, but almost pure

Think I could love you, but I'm not sure

There's something wholesome, there's something sweet

Tucked in your eyes that I'd love to meet

These aren't my people

These aren't my friends

She grabbed my face and that's when she said

I like that you're broken

Broken like me

Maybe that makes me a fool

I like that you're lonely

Lonely like me

I could be lonely with you

Life is not a love song that we like

We're all broken pieces floating by

Life is not a love song, we can try

To fix our broken pieces one at a time

I like that you're broken

Broken like me

Maybe that makes me a fool

I like that you're lonely

Lonely like me

I could be lonely with you

I like that you're broken

Broken like me

Maybe that makes me a fool

I like that you're lonely

Lonely like me

I could be lonely with you

Post #714: Buddy Holly - "Maybe Baby" - Single

When I was living my life from a place of scarcity as I mentioned in my previous post, I stuck close to home and didn't get out much in order to save money.  Therefore, one thing I am really trying to work on this year is venturing out of my humble abode a bit more and enjoying the heck out of the rest of my life.  I have challenged myself to attend 2 - 3 events per month, and so far, so good!!  

I made it out to a brand new Dark Wave/New Wave/Synthpop event that is being hosted at a dive bar in Fort Worth at the beginning of this month, and last night, I caught the Garland Civic Theatre's performance of "The Buddy Holly Story."  It was such a delightful show, and the energy from the performers had the audience head-bopping, hand-clapping, and foot-tapping throughout the evening.

I wasn't sure what to expect, but I was beyond excited to learn more about Buddy Holly over a roughly 2 hour period.  I was blown away by how effortlessly the actors/actresses worked their way around the minimal stage set-up.  It was just a lighthearted way to pass the evening despite the tragic ending to the story itself.

It was pointed out to the audience that February 3, 2019, will mark the 60th anniversary of Buddy Holly's passing. In the playbill was a page that summarized Buddy Holly's influence on some prominent musicians.  I really had no idea that so many of the greats were inspired by Buddy Holly, but it increased my appreciation for him all the more.  

I'm looking at New Mexico for my next road trip, so I will definitely have to pass through Lubbock to check out all the Buddy Holly memorabilia.  I'll keep you posted.

In the meantime, go support these lovely performers... it will be the best $18.00 you spend this first part of 2019... I guarantee it!!

I already posted most of my favorite Buddy Holly tunes during Week Ninety-Three, but here are a few more for you today.  In addition to "Maybe Baby," I'll also offer you "Think It Over" and "It Doesn't Matter Anymore"... enjoy!!

Until next time...

XOXOXO

Anastasia

Maybe baby, I'll have you

Maybe baby, you'll be true

Maybe baby, I'll have you for me (all for me)

It's funny honey, you don't care

You never listen, to my prayer

Maybe baby, you will love me some day (someday)

Well, you are the one that makes me glad

And you are the one that makes me sad

When some day, you'll want me

Well, I'll be there, wait and see

Maybe baby, I'll have you

Maybe baby, you'll be true

Maybe baby, I'll have you for me (all for me)

Da-da-ta-da-da-da da-da-da

Da-da-ta-da-da-da da-da-da

Da-da-ta-da-da-da da-da-da

Ahh-ahh-ahh

Well, you are the one that makes me glad

And you are the one that makes me sad

When some day, you'll want me

Well, I'll be there, wait and see

Maybe baby, I'll have you

Maybe baby, you'll be true

Maybe baby, I'll have you for me (all for me)

Maybe baby I'll have you for me (you're for me)

Post #713: New Order - "True Faith" - Substance

So here we are... almost 15 days into the new year... and I realized that I did not share the song that brought me in to 2019!!

In the past, my end-of-the-year reflections have been focused on the previous year's occurrences, but this one is more about how my actions (i.e., getting out of debt once and for all) set me up for a brighter future ahead.

In fact, my Horoscope for December 31, 2018, was so lame and irrelevant that I selected my monthly Horoscope for January to document in my journal instead:

"Going into an ice cream shop or candy store that offers a wide variety of flavors can be mind boggling.  Even if you have certain preferences, the colorful names and scrumptious ingredients could make the choice quite difficult.  Sometimes having too many good things to choose from can make a decision much harder.  That may be the dilemma you are faced with this month as you strive to make an important decision about your future.  But keep it real and recognize that this is a really good 'problem' to have.  If you look at it that way, it will be easier to come to the very best decision."

You better believe that I would take this problem of too many choices any day of the week over the scarcity mindset in which I have lived the majority of my life!!

Regardless, the song that welcomed me in to 2019 was "True Faith" by New Order.  Even though the songwriter, Bernard Sumner, confirmed that this song is about drug dependency, one of my favorite things to do when I am pondering the meaning of a song is to browse through the comments on www.songmeanings.com to see if others have innovative thoughts about the lyrics.  I am rarely disappointed as was the case when I came across the following interpretations:

"i can only interpret this song in a very personal manner. after a very bad childhood i feel extraordinary because i survived and my life now depends on MY day to day life (the morning sun) instead of what happened to me in the past.

for me it is a song of great hope."

and

"As much as anything, to me, this song is about growing up and trading away dreams for short-term happiness."

I did that... I grew up and traded so many dreams... I will never fall victim to that ever again!!!

Until next time...

XOXOXO
Anastasia

I feel so extraordinary

Something's got a hold on me

I get this feeling I'm in motion

A sudden sense of liberty

I don't care 'cause I'm not there

And I don't care if I'm here tomorrow

Again and again I've taken too much

Of the things that cost you too much

I used to think that the day would never come

I'd see delight in the shade of the morning sun

My morning sun is the drug that brings me near

To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear

I used to think that the day would never come

That my life would depend on the morning sun

When I was a very small boy

Very small boys talked to me

Now that we've grown up together

They're afraid of what they see

That's the price that we all pay

And the value of destiny comes to nothing

I can't tell you where we're going

I guess there was just no way of knowing

I used to think that the day would never come

I'd see delight in the shade of the morning sun

My morning sun is the drug that brings me near

To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear

I used to think that the day would never come

That my life would depend on the morning sun

I feel so extraordinary

Something's got a hold on me

I get this feeling I'm in motion

A sudden sense of liberty

The chances are we've gone too far

You took my time and you took my money

Now I fear you've left me standing

In a world that's so demanding

I used to think that the day would never come

I'd see delight in the shade of the morning sun

My morning sun is the drug that brings me near

To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear

I used to think that the day would never come

That my life would depend on the morning sun

I used to think that the day would never come

I'd see delight in the shade of the morning sun

My morning sun is the drug that brings me near

To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear

I used to think that the day would never come

That my life would depend on the morning sun

Post #712: R.E.M. - "So. Central Rain (I'm Sorry)" - Reckoning

On December 27, 2018, I officially became free of all debt! As I checked all of my accounts and saw a balance of $0 and as I saw a brand new screen regarding my car loan that read "paid off," I expected to be far more excited than I was.  Instead, I sat very still and breathed one of the deepest breaths that I have taken in decades, all the while wondering why in the world I wasn't jumping up and down with ecstatic joy. However, I will share that it did feel like someone took a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser sponge and made me all shiny inside.

I needed groceries, so I headed up to my beloved Target, and I decided that, at the bare minimum, I should purchase a small token to commemorate my debt-free existence. As I walked by the table of discounted Christmas candy, I picked up a box of chocolate covered cherries and smiled. Every year for Christmas, my paternal grandparents would give me an envelope full of money and a box of chocolate covered cherries. Of course, the money was nice, but it was never really about the money for me; it was about savoring the sweetness of those delicious cherries. As I placed the discounted box into my cart, it finally hit me like a ton of bricks: IT WAS NEVER ABOUT THE DEBT; IT WAS ABOUT FINALLY FORGIVING MYSELF FOR THE MISTAKES OF MY PAST...

You see, I could have paid off my debts months ago if I had just borrowed from my savings account and put it back little-by-little, but I didn't.  I very systematically and methodically planned for my debt-free date to be exactly when I needed it to be.  Did I know it was about self-forgiveness this whole time?? Maybe deep, deep down I did; however, it wasn't until that whole chocolate covered cherry incident that I truly realized what had ultimately happened just an hour or so earlier. I essentially said to myself that I was sorry and really, really meant it!!

Now don't get me wrong; the fact that every penny I make from this point forward will be mine all mine is beyond splendid, but finally forgiving myself is priceless!!

This is all very new to me, and I'm still trying to fully wrap my mind around it all.  As I had mentioned before on numerous occasions, I have spent the majority of my adult life drowning in debt, so I am truly anxious to see where my new financial freedom might take me.  At the very least, I hope to check in with you far more frequently than I did this past year.

Until next time...

XOXOXO
Anastasia

Did you never call? I waited for your call

These rivers of suggestion are driving me away

The trees will bend, the cities wash away

The city on the river there is a girl without a dream

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry

Eastern to Mountain, third party call, the lines are down

The wise man built his words upon the rocks

But I'm not bound to follow suit

The trees will bend, the conversation's dimmed

Go build yourself another home, this choice isn't mine

I'm sorry, I'm sorry

Did you never call? I waited for your call

These rivers of suggestion are driving me away

The ocean sang, the conversation's dimmed

Go build yourself another dream, this choice isn't mine

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry

Post #711: The Alarm - "Rescue Me" - Eye of the Hurricane

Like many other young girls, I grew up in the mystical land of fairy tales, always wondering when my knight in shining armor was on his way to rescue me.

My childhood was a rough one and was less than ideal, and I just knew that if I could find "the one" who would swoop me up and take me away from all the turmoil and chaos, I would finally live happily ever after.

"The one" never seemed to arrive, and I spent most of my 20s and 30s rescuing my significant others from their hardships and woes.  Suddenly, I just stopped.  I finally came to terms with the fact that it was time to rescue myself.

I found my own castle in the form of a three-story townhouse in the part of Dallas where I had always wanted to live with the most lovely and serene lake as my backyard.  I created my own riches in the form of financial security with 6 months of expenses stashed away in a savings account and 2 retirement accounts to boot.  I went on my own adventures in the form of solo road trips and weekends without any plans so that I could wake up and let the day take me where it wanted.  I am in the process of living my happily ever after and writing my own magnificent fairy tale.

So what if it doesn't mirror the same old tired tale I heard over and over again as a youngster!!!  Mine is even more perfect from my perspective, and I thank all the powers that be day-in and day-out for the beautiful, magical, simple and spectacular life that I get to live.

Before I leave you for today, I will share with you a memory that I have of a wishing fountain.  The optometrist's office that my mother took me to when I was very young had a fountain in the center that, over time, became full of pennies and what I assume were lots and lots of wishes.  One of the last wishes that I ever made in that fountain must have been when I was around 12 or 13-years-old.  I wished for a life that would never be boring and one that would not look like everyone else's... So who says wishes never come true??????

Today I dedicate this to all the women out there who were once young girls with fairy tale visions in their dreams --- Please, please, please rescue yourself if that's what you need.  Quit waiting around for someone else to do it for you.  Write your own fairy tale and fill it with as much magic and adventure as you need because you are more than worth it!!!

Until next time...

XOXOXO

Anastasia

A renegade

Rides a run away train

To liberate

Tear these bonds asunder

A fugitive

Running from a chain gang

Comfort me

Grant me absolution

Running all my life

Running all my day

Running through the night

Seems like forever

Take me now

I'm so tired

Take me now

This time, forever

RESCUE ME

I'm on the run like a refugee

RESCUE ME

Oh come on rescue me

I'm destitute

I'm looking for protection

I want love

And physical asylum

A vagabond

Running from destruction

Cover me

While I seek defection

Running all my life

Running all my day

Running through the night

Seems like forever

Take me now

I'm so tired

Take me now

This time, forever

RESCUE ME

I'm on the run like a refugee

RESCUE ME

I believe you can rescue me

Running all my life

Running all my day

Running through the night

Seems like forever

Take me now

I'm so tired

Take me now

This time, forever

RESCUE ME

On the run like a refugee

RESCUE ME

Oh come on rescue me

RESCUE ME

Got to run like a refugee

RESCUE ME

I believe you can rescue me

RESCUE ME

Come on, come on, come on, come on

Post #710: Blue October - "Calling You" - History for Sale

**Warning**Warning** --- Today's song will get stuck in your head, and you'll be humming it for the rest of the day... but it's so amazing that I'd be surprised if you weren't thanking me for it later!!! --- **Warning**Warning**

So I was cleaning up my blog yesterday... figuring out what videos need to be updated and whatnot... when I realized that I have been posting since 2012... which means how many Octobers have passed without me posting about Blue October?!?!?  What a complete shame!!!

Anyway, Blue October hails from my great state of Texas, and they'll actually be passing through DFW in a few weeks... on Saturday, October 20th, to be exact!

I'll be honest when I admit that I only really got into this song and another one of their hits called "Hate Me" (which I'll post below the lyrics); however, I do appreciate the fact that the lead singer has been very open about his struggles with addiction and that he translated his experience, strength, and hope into some amazing lyrics!!

And speaking of bands passing through DFW, I am completely blown away by some of the bands that have been showing up on my Pandora feed: Snow Patrol on 10/27; Simple Minds on 11/03; Cat Power on 11/29; Gin Blossoms on 12/07; Brian Setzer Orchestra on 12/10... and these are just the ones that I'm seriously considering attending!! There are a whole slew of others that I might attend, as well!!

Hope everyone is well and enjoying what has always been my favorite month of the year, sometimes lovingly known as Rocktober!!!

Until next time...

XOXOXO

Anastasia

There's something that I can't quite explain
I'm so in love with you
You'll never take that away
And if I've said a hundred times before
Expect a thousand more
You'll never take that away

So expect me to be
Calling you to see
If you're okay when I'm not around
Asking "if you love me"
I love the way you make it sound
Calling you to see
Do I try too hard to make you smile?
To make a smile

Well I will keep calling you to see
If you're sleeping, are you're dreaming
If you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me
I can't believe you actually picked me

I thought that the world had lost it's sway
(It's so hard sometimes)
Then I fell in love with you
(Then came you)
And you took that away
(It's not so difficult
The world is not so difficult)
You take away the old
Show me the new
And I feel like I can fly when I stand next to you
So while I'm on this phone
A hundred miles from home
I'll take the words you gave me and send them back to you

I only want to see
If you're okay when I'm not around
Asking "if you love me"
I love the way you make it sound
Calling you to see
Do I try too hard to make you smile?
To make a smile

Well I will keep calling you to see
If you're sleeping are you're dreaming
If you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me
I can't believe you actually picked me

Well I will keep calling you to see
If you're sleeping are you're dreaming
If you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me
I can't believe you actually picked me

Well I will keep calling you to see
If you're sleeping are you're dreaming
If you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me
I can't believe you actually picked me

Whoa oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh

Whoa oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh

Whoa oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh

Whoa oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh

Whoa oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh

Post #709 - Big Bad Voodoo Daddy - "I Wanna Be Like You" - This Beautiful Life

And now for my third (3rd) and final post for this lovely Sunday... so this fun little tune has been showing up on one of my Pandora stations lately, and Swing revival, how I love thee so!!! Apparently, this was recorded for the soundtrack for the film, Swingers, but it never actually made the cut in the film itself.

I think Big Bad Voodoo Daddy is such an awesome band!!  I just wish that I had more of an appreciation for them when they were at their peak, as opposed to being such an uber-goth princess that I turned my nose up at anything that wasn't dark and twisty!!!

Oh well, such is life, but I hope you enjoy their version of this song from The Jungle Book just as much as I do!!

I'll also include another sweet little tune called "It Only Took A Kiss" that they did with Meaghan Smith... and I'll try not to stay gone as long between postings!!!

Until next time...

XOXOXO
Anastasia

Now I'm the king of the swingers, boy, Jungle V.I.P

Well I've reached the top, and had to stop and that's what's bothering me

I wanna be a man, now man cub stroll right into town

Be just like the other men, I'm tired of monkeying around

So woo woo ooh, I wanna be just like you

Wanna walk like you, talk like you do

And you see it's true, an ape like me

Can learn to be human too, yeah

Now don't you mess with me man cub, I made a deal with you

What I desire is man's red fire so I can be just like you

And don't you mess with me man-cub, show me what to do

Give me the power of man's red flower so I can be just like you

So woo woo ooh, I wanna be just like you

Wanna walk like you, talk like you do

And you see it's true, an ape like me

Can learn to be human too, yeah

So woo woo ooh, I wanna be just like you

Wanna walk like you, talk like you do

And you see it's true, an ape like me

Can learn to be human too, yeah

So ooh, I wanna be just like you

Wanna walk like you, talk like you do

You see it's true, an ape like me

Can learn to be human too, yeah

Said ooh, I wanna be just like you

Wanna walk like you, talk like you do

You see it's true, an ape like me

Can learn to be human too, yeah

Post #708: Moses Snow - "Celebration of Elvis" - Plaza Theater (Garland, TX)

Oh folks, do I ever have someone to introduce you to today!!!  So I've had the pleasure of seeing quite a few shows at the Plaza Theater in downtown Garland.  However, the BEST performer that I have seen over the past few months is, without a doubt, Moses Snow!!!

If you are not familiar with him, he is an Elvis tribute artist, and it is my understanding that he recently won a competition (or maybe two) at Elvis Week 2018 in Memphis.  After seeing him perform live twice now, I have to say that he definitely deserved it!!

This kid is 15-years-old, and he has his Elvis moves down to a science!  Plus he's really energetic and lively, and he seems like a humble person!!

I haven't had a chance to see him perform "Such A Night" yet, but I found this on YouTube.  This has always been one of my favorite Elvis tunes, and he absolutely nails it in this video!!!

I already have my tickets to the Christmas show that he will be performing at on December 2nd at the Plaza Theater.  If you are in the area, be sure to grab your ticket too... I guarantee that you will have an absolute blast!!!

Until next time...

XOXOXO

Anastasia

It was a night oo-oo what a night
It was it really was such a night
The moon was bright oh how so bright
It was it really was such a night
The night was alight with stars above
Oo-oo when she kissed me
I had to fall in love

Oh it was a kiss oo-oo what a kiss
It was it really was such a kiss
Oh how she could kiss oh what a kiss
It was it really was such a kiss
Just the thought of her lips
Sets me afire
I reminisce and I'm filled with desire
But I'd gave my heart to her in sweet surrender
How well I remember, I'll always remember

Oh, what a night oo-oo what a night
It was it really was such a night
Came the dawn and my heart and her love
And the night was gone
But I'll never forget the kiss
The kiss in the moonlight
Oo-oo such a kiss, such a night

It was a night oo-oo what a night
It was it really was such a night
Came the dawn and my heart and her love
And the night was gone
But I'll never forget the kiss
The kiss in the moonlight
How well I remember, I'll always remember

That night oo-oo what a night
It was it really was such a night
When we kissed I had to fall in love
But I'd gave my heart to her in sweet surrender
How well I remember, I'll always remember

Oh that night oo-oo what a night
It was it really was such a night
When we kissed I had to fall in love
Well she's gone, gone, gone
Yes she's gone, gone, gone
Came the dawn, dawn, dawn
And my love was gone
But before that dawn
Yes before that dawn and before that dawn
Oo-oo, oo-oo, oo-oo, oo-oo, oo-oo
Such a night