On December 27, 2018, I officially became free of all debt! As I checked all of my accounts and saw a balance of $0 and as I saw a brand new screen regarding my car loan that read "paid off," I expected to be far more excited than I was. Instead, I sat very still and breathed one of the deepest breaths that I have taken in decades, all the while wondering why in the world I wasn't jumping up and down with ecstatic joy. However, I will share that it did feel like someone took a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser sponge and made me all shiny inside.
I needed groceries, so I headed up to my beloved Target, and I decided that, at the bare minimum, I should purchase a small token to commemorate my debt-free existence. As I walked by the table of discounted Christmas candy, I picked up a box of chocolate covered cherries and smiled. Every year for Christmas, my paternal grandparents would give me an envelope full of money and a box of chocolate covered cherries. Of course, the money was nice, but it was never really about the money for me; it was about savoring the sweetness of those delicious cherries. As I placed the discounted box into my cart, it finally hit me like a ton of bricks: IT WAS NEVER ABOUT THE DEBT; IT WAS ABOUT FINALLY FORGIVING MYSELF FOR THE MISTAKES OF MY PAST...
You see, I could have paid off my debts months ago if I had just borrowed from my savings account and put it back little-by-little, but I didn't. I very systematically and methodically planned for my debt-free date to be exactly when I needed it to be. Did I know it was about self-forgiveness this whole time?? Maybe deep, deep down I did; however, it wasn't until that whole chocolate covered cherry incident that I truly realized what had ultimately happened just an hour or so earlier. I essentially said to myself that I was sorry and really, really meant it!!
Now don't get me wrong; the fact that every penny I make from this point forward will be mine all mine is beyond splendid, but finally forgiving myself is priceless!!
This is all very new to me, and I'm still trying to fully wrap my mind around it all. As I had mentioned before on numerous occasions, I have spent the majority of my adult life drowning in debt, so I am truly anxious to see where my new financial freedom might take me. At the very least, I hope to check in with you far more frequently than I did this past year.
Until next time...
XOXOXO
Anastasia
I needed groceries, so I headed up to my beloved Target, and I decided that, at the bare minimum, I should purchase a small token to commemorate my debt-free existence. As I walked by the table of discounted Christmas candy, I picked up a box of chocolate covered cherries and smiled. Every year for Christmas, my paternal grandparents would give me an envelope full of money and a box of chocolate covered cherries. Of course, the money was nice, but it was never really about the money for me; it was about savoring the sweetness of those delicious cherries. As I placed the discounted box into my cart, it finally hit me like a ton of bricks: IT WAS NEVER ABOUT THE DEBT; IT WAS ABOUT FINALLY FORGIVING MYSELF FOR THE MISTAKES OF MY PAST...
You see, I could have paid off my debts months ago if I had just borrowed from my savings account and put it back little-by-little, but I didn't. I very systematically and methodically planned for my debt-free date to be exactly when I needed it to be. Did I know it was about self-forgiveness this whole time?? Maybe deep, deep down I did; however, it wasn't until that whole chocolate covered cherry incident that I truly realized what had ultimately happened just an hour or so earlier. I essentially said to myself that I was sorry and really, really meant it!!
Now don't get me wrong; the fact that every penny I make from this point forward will be mine all mine is beyond splendid, but finally forgiving myself is priceless!!
This is all very new to me, and I'm still trying to fully wrap my mind around it all. As I had mentioned before on numerous occasions, I have spent the majority of my adult life drowning in debt, so I am truly anxious to see where my new financial freedom might take me. At the very least, I hope to check in with you far more frequently than I did this past year.
Until next time...
XOXOXO
Anastasia
Did you never call? I waited for your call
These rivers of suggestion are driving me away
The trees will bend, the cities wash away
The city on the river there is a girl without a dream
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry
Eastern to Mountain, third party call, the lines are down
The wise man built his words upon the rocks
But I'm not bound to follow suit
The trees will bend, the conversation's dimmed
Go build yourself another home, this choice isn't mine
I'm sorry, I'm sorry
Did you never call? I waited for your call
These rivers of suggestion are driving me away
The ocean sang, the conversation's dimmed
Go build yourself another dream, this choice isn't mine
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry
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