My dearest Blogland readers:
I told you that I'd be back before you even had a chance to know I was gone! As I mentioned, "goodbyes" are just not my thing... I miss people and experiences far more than is probably even healthy for me. I suppose it's a character flaw, one of many for sure, but it's one that falls on the spectrum of the lesser of the evils and is probably why I am less hesitant to admit it.
It's a good thing I reserved the right to pick up where I left off in the near or distant future, huh? Thank you useless legal jargon that I employ on a daily basis.
So, why the change of heart? The first reason is that the whole writing poetry thing as a creative outlet just didn't really work out for me. I have books and books of poetry that I wrote in my teens and early twenties, but it's just not how I choose to express myself any longer. The second reason is that I just needed to step away. My life had seriously become one boring monotonous waste of space and that was brought to my full attention while on vacation this past weekend.
So, I headed off to the lovely little island of Galveston, Texas, with my precious dog, Pixie. I'm not sure why Galveston is regarded so poorly. I consider it to be an absolute treasure. I could even see myself happily living there. Nevertheless, I desperately needed to pull myself out of the comfort of my environment and my routine and to do some thinking by the shoreline.
While there, I came to the realization that sadly, at this point in my life, I'm really just going through the motions, trying to create as few ripples as possible, until I can get myself on better financial footing. I know that kind of lifestyle is highly frowned upon by those of you who live with a "seize the day because life is too short" mentality, but I'm just not like that --- haven't been in decades. Of course it has to do with my past. For the love of all that is good and righteous, I am still paying dearly for mistakes that I made in my early twenties when I lived with a "seize the day because life is too short" mentality. I've never truly had anyone to rely on. I've been independent and self-sufficient since I obtained my first job at the age of 16. It's deeply ingrained in me to be able to take care of myself and to depend on only me. Whether people agree with it or not, I don't see a whole lot changing for me until I can finally put all those mistakes to rest and not drag them around with me any longer. The good news is that the end of that burden is fully within sight.
Another realization that I came to is that I'm tired of pretending like I don't need connections and that I'm okay with being alone all the time. I can go back to countless posts that I've made on this blog about not needing anyone and about being oh-so-independent, but it's simply not true. Heck, I think that part of the reason I decided to begin posting again is just so that I can rekindle some type of feeling of being connected. I guess I don't really know how to go about it in the real world. I'm not good at connecting with others --- never really have been; so if this is the most sincere form of connection that I can sustain at the moment, well then so be it! I think it's awesome, for instance like today, when someone conducted a Google search on "80's song hypnotize me from can't buy me love" and found their way to my blog (It's the "Certain Things Are Likely" post from Week Thirteen: Obscure 80s, in case you were wondering). Don't worry, whomever you are, if you are reading this because it doesn't give me any detailed info other than that; it just tells me what you searched in order to make your way to my blog. So, I suppose that, for me, this whole connection factor is about progress, not perfection, and I'll eventually make my connection somehow and someway. Just being honest is a huge step in the right direction, maybe???
Another realization that I came to is the completely flawed idea that many people hold where they believe that drama-induced behaviors and romantic notions are somehow one in the same. I made the mistake of turning on the television while drifting off to sleep both nights, and it was appalling how the writers of films and television programs attempted to sell this idea time and time again. It's almost as if they're trying to brainwash people into believing that if there are not rifts and misunderstandings and complications to overcome in relationships, then it doesn't mean anything. I don't buy into that. I don't think relationships need to be complicated... at least not the ones in which I wish to find myself being a participant. Life is full of so many other complications... the last thing I want is for the person I love and care about to create more!
So I could keep rambling on and on about the other realizations I made this weekend, but some are best left unspoken. I will wrap this up by sharing that, in an effort to break some of the monotony in my life, I have decided that I am no longer going to select just one day to which I will limit or restrict my ideas and posts. I am going to post whenever I feel moved to post. I may post multiple times in one week, and I may go a week or two without ever posting. You'll just have to check back periodically, I suppose. You may have even noticed that I have started numbering my entries by posts, as opposed to weeks.
So why "Crazy For You" by Madonna? Well, I had a 5 1/2 hour drive there (Who knew that Houston rush hour started at 3:00 p.m.??? --- not this girl, apparently!!!), and I had a 4 1/2 hour drive home, which left me ample time to scan my Sirius stations. This tune came on the 80s on 8 while I was making my way home, and it spoke to me the most. Yes, I could have shared any of a number of songs with you, but this is the one upon which I ultimately decided for my comeback post.
Until next time...
XOXOXO
Anastasia
I told you that I'd be back before you even had a chance to know I was gone! As I mentioned, "goodbyes" are just not my thing... I miss people and experiences far more than is probably even healthy for me. I suppose it's a character flaw, one of many for sure, but it's one that falls on the spectrum of the lesser of the evils and is probably why I am less hesitant to admit it.
It's a good thing I reserved the right to pick up where I left off in the near or distant future, huh? Thank you useless legal jargon that I employ on a daily basis.
So, why the change of heart? The first reason is that the whole writing poetry thing as a creative outlet just didn't really work out for me. I have books and books of poetry that I wrote in my teens and early twenties, but it's just not how I choose to express myself any longer. The second reason is that I just needed to step away. My life had seriously become one boring monotonous waste of space and that was brought to my full attention while on vacation this past weekend.
So, I headed off to the lovely little island of Galveston, Texas, with my precious dog, Pixie. I'm not sure why Galveston is regarded so poorly. I consider it to be an absolute treasure. I could even see myself happily living there. Nevertheless, I desperately needed to pull myself out of the comfort of my environment and my routine and to do some thinking by the shoreline.
While there, I came to the realization that sadly, at this point in my life, I'm really just going through the motions, trying to create as few ripples as possible, until I can get myself on better financial footing. I know that kind of lifestyle is highly frowned upon by those of you who live with a "seize the day because life is too short" mentality, but I'm just not like that --- haven't been in decades. Of course it has to do with my past. For the love of all that is good and righteous, I am still paying dearly for mistakes that I made in my early twenties when I lived with a "seize the day because life is too short" mentality. I've never truly had anyone to rely on. I've been independent and self-sufficient since I obtained my first job at the age of 16. It's deeply ingrained in me to be able to take care of myself and to depend on only me. Whether people agree with it or not, I don't see a whole lot changing for me until I can finally put all those mistakes to rest and not drag them around with me any longer. The good news is that the end of that burden is fully within sight.
Another realization that I came to is that I'm tired of pretending like I don't need connections and that I'm okay with being alone all the time. I can go back to countless posts that I've made on this blog about not needing anyone and about being oh-so-independent, but it's simply not true. Heck, I think that part of the reason I decided to begin posting again is just so that I can rekindle some type of feeling of being connected. I guess I don't really know how to go about it in the real world. I'm not good at connecting with others --- never really have been; so if this is the most sincere form of connection that I can sustain at the moment, well then so be it! I think it's awesome, for instance like today, when someone conducted a Google search on "80's song hypnotize me from can't buy me love" and found their way to my blog (It's the "Certain Things Are Likely" post from Week Thirteen: Obscure 80s, in case you were wondering). Don't worry, whomever you are, if you are reading this because it doesn't give me any detailed info other than that; it just tells me what you searched in order to make your way to my blog. So, I suppose that, for me, this whole connection factor is about progress, not perfection, and I'll eventually make my connection somehow and someway. Just being honest is a huge step in the right direction, maybe???
Another realization that I came to is the completely flawed idea that many people hold where they believe that drama-induced behaviors and romantic notions are somehow one in the same. I made the mistake of turning on the television while drifting off to sleep both nights, and it was appalling how the writers of films and television programs attempted to sell this idea time and time again. It's almost as if they're trying to brainwash people into believing that if there are not rifts and misunderstandings and complications to overcome in relationships, then it doesn't mean anything. I don't buy into that. I don't think relationships need to be complicated... at least not the ones in which I wish to find myself being a participant. Life is full of so many other complications... the last thing I want is for the person I love and care about to create more!
So I could keep rambling on and on about the other realizations I made this weekend, but some are best left unspoken. I will wrap this up by sharing that, in an effort to break some of the monotony in my life, I have decided that I am no longer going to select just one day to which I will limit or restrict my ideas and posts. I am going to post whenever I feel moved to post. I may post multiple times in one week, and I may go a week or two without ever posting. You'll just have to check back periodically, I suppose. You may have even noticed that I have started numbering my entries by posts, as opposed to weeks.
So why "Crazy For You" by Madonna? Well, I had a 5 1/2 hour drive there (Who knew that Houston rush hour started at 3:00 p.m.??? --- not this girl, apparently!!!), and I had a 4 1/2 hour drive home, which left me ample time to scan my Sirius stations. This tune came on the 80s on 8 while I was making my way home, and it spoke to me the most. Yes, I could have shared any of a number of songs with you, but this is the one upon which I ultimately decided for my comeback post.
Until next time...
XOXOXO
Anastasia
Swaying room as the music starts
Strangers making the most of the dark
Two by two their bodies become one
I see you through the smoky air
Can't you feel the weight of my stare
You're so close, but still a world away
What I'm dying to say is that
I'm crazy for you
Touch me once and you'll know it's true
I never wanted anyone like this
It's all brand new
You'll feel it in my kiss
I'm crazy for you
Crazy for you
Trying hard to control my heart
I walk over to where you are
Eye to eye, we need no words at all
Slowly now we begin to move
Every breath, I'm deeper into you
Soon we too are standing still in time
If you read my mind
You'll see I'm crazy for you
Touch me once and you'll know it's true
I never wanted anyone like this
It's all brand new
You'll feel it in my kiss
You'll feel it in my kiss
Because I'm crazy for you
Touch me once and you'll know it's true
I never wanted anyone like this
It's all brand new
You'll feel it in my kiss
I'm crazy for you
Crazy for you
Crazy for you
Crazy for you
It's all brand new
I'm crazy for you
And you know it's true
I'm crazy crazy for you
It's all brand new
I'm crazy for you
And you know it's true
Yeah, I'm crazy for you
Crazy for you baby
I'm crazy for you
Crazy for you baby
Strangers making the most of the dark
Two by two their bodies become one
I see you through the smoky air
Can't you feel the weight of my stare
You're so close, but still a world away
What I'm dying to say is that
I'm crazy for you
Touch me once and you'll know it's true
I never wanted anyone like this
It's all brand new
You'll feel it in my kiss
I'm crazy for you
Crazy for you
Trying hard to control my heart
I walk over to where you are
Eye to eye, we need no words at all
Slowly now we begin to move
Every breath, I'm deeper into you
Soon we too are standing still in time
If you read my mind
You'll see I'm crazy for you
Touch me once and you'll know it's true
I never wanted anyone like this
It's all brand new
You'll feel it in my kiss
You'll feel it in my kiss
Because I'm crazy for you
Touch me once and you'll know it's true
I never wanted anyone like this
It's all brand new
You'll feel it in my kiss
I'm crazy for you
Crazy for you
Crazy for you
Crazy for you
It's all brand new
I'm crazy for you
And you know it's true
I'm crazy crazy for you
It's all brand new
I'm crazy for you
And you know it's true
Yeah, I'm crazy for you
Crazy for you baby
I'm crazy for you
Crazy for you baby
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