Post #706: David Bowie - "Changes" - Hunky Dory

It's been awhile since I've posted, hasn't it??  I guess it's safe to say that I've been undergoing some changes --- nothing bad though.  

I've been spending copious amounts of time trying to decide what direction I'm going to take my life next.

I think I've mentioned that I've spent almost two (2) decades drowning in debt --- some of it related to having to put myself through all of my educational pursuits and some of it related to incredibly stupid life decisions that I made throughout the years.

However, today is the official beginning of the end.  By December of this year, I will have ALL of my debt paid off.  I won't owe anyone anything - zero, zip, zilch, nada!!!  That's not even the best and most exciting part.  In addition to paying off all my debt, I have also been storing massive amounts of money away.  Therefore, I'll have a pretty impressive "nest egg" when all is said and done; I'm not having to completely start over from scratch like many people who find themselves in my situation.

Not to diminish anyone's experience with captivity, but it feels like I'll be released from a prison of my own making in six (6) months and handed a bucket of gold upon my departure, as well.

The level of freedom that I'm about to be given is so incredibly exciting and frightening at the same time.  Since I knew from a young age that I was never interested in getting married or having children, it adds even more freedom to the equation.  I can go anywhere and do anything I want, and I don't have to check in with anyone except myself.  I will simply be limited by my own imagination and my own restrictions.

You're probably asking yourself: "So what's the problem here exactly??"  The problem is that I've been soooooo restricted by my debt for soooooo long that my mind is having difficulty imagining the incredible freedoms that I'm about to be handed.  I want to take risks and have adventures in this next decade of my life, but I don't even know where or how to start.

I've decided to approach this differently than I normally would.  In the past, I would have forced decisions without even feeling like I was 100% behind said decisions.  This time, I am going to rest my mind, which currently feels like it is on overload, and take my time figuring this out.  At least whatever I decide to do will be completely paid for, right?!?!?

I'll keep you updated on my progress over the next few months...

Before I leave you today, I also wanted to include a poem called, "She Let Go," written by Safire Rose.  This poem has been creeping into my existence quite frequently lately, and it seems apropos for this post.  Honestly, it's an incredible reminder for a control freak like me that, when I let go, good things seem to happen in my life.  I hope it will speak to others, as well.

Until next time...

XOXOXO

Anastasia

Oh, yeah
Mmm

Still don't know what I was waitin' for
And my time was runnin' wild
A million dead end streets and
Every time I thought I'd got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I've never caught a glimpse
How the others must see the faker
I'm much too fast to take that test

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
Turn and face the strange
Ch-ch-changes
Don't want to be a richer man
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
Turn and face the strange
Ch-ch-changes
There's gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me
But I can't trace time

Mmm, yeah

I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream
Of warm impermanence
And so the days float through my eyes
But still the days seem the same
And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They're quite aware of what they're goin' through

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
Turn and face the strange
Ch-ch-changes
Don't tell them to grow up and out of it
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
Turn and face the strange
Ch-ch-changes
Where's your shame?
You've left us up to our necks in it
Time may change me
But you can't trace time

Strange fascinations fascinate me
Ah, changes are takin'
The pace I'm goin' through

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
Turn and face the strange
Ch-ch-changes
Ooh, look out you rock 'n' rollers
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
Turn and face the strange
Ch-ch-changes
Pretty soon now you're gonna get older
Time may change me
But I can't trace time
I said that time may change me
But I can't trace time