Post #715: lovelytheband - "Broken" - Finding It Hard to Smile

I've been reading a deeply profound book called "Soul Wounds" by Dr. Candice Creasman.

It's one of those experiences where I can hardly remember what I've just read because instead I feel every word so intensely in the depths of my being.  I definitely intend to use it as a road map for future healing, but at the moment, it is shedding light upon all the places where I am broken.  

Yes, I know, we are all broken in our own special ways.  However, what I have come to realize is that one of the areas in which I am severely broken is relationships.  I had always imagined that once I got to this point in my life where I have this exact level of financial well-being, I would be ready to tackle the dating world again.  It just seemed like the next natural progression.  On the contrary, I have instead become so overly protective of my new status, and I am terrified to introduce anyone into the equation for fear that he will ruin it for me.  Of course, that is a direct result of a soul wound and my natural inclination to steer clear of what I perceive as suffering.  You see, what I've really come to realize is that if past relationships have been overall nurturing and validating experiences for an individual, then inviting another into one's life is far more comfortable.  If relationships have created great amounts of pain, then there will naturally be a hesitation and fear to embark upon another one... no matter how far along you have come in life.

I find myself at a crossroads, and this is where I truly see the beauty of living - this is where we get to accept and own our choices.  I'm not sure which one I will make... working on the hesitations and fears in order to once again be part of a couple or acknowledging my situation for what it is and living my best life as a single person.  What I do know is that what's right for me may not be right for you, and what you would choose may not be what I ultimately choose.  Regardless, I love that we each get to write our own stories, and we can even change them mid-chapter if needed.

So this one goes out to all you beautiful broken souls... may you make choices that will ultimately allow you to write a masterpiece!!!

Until next time...

XOXOXO
Anastasia

I like that you're broken

Broken like me

Maybe that makes me a fool

I like that you're lonely

Lonely like me

I could be lonely with you

I met you late night, at a party

Some trust fund baby's Brooklyn loft

By the bathroom, you said let's talk

But my confidence is wearing off

These aren't my people

These aren't my friends

She grabbed my face and that's when she said

I like that you're broken

Broken like me

Maybe that makes me a fool

I like that you're lonely

Lonely like me

I could be lonely with you

There's something tragic, but almost pure

Think I could love you, but I'm not sure

There's something wholesome, there's something sweet

Tucked in your eyes that I'd love to meet

These aren't my people

These aren't my friends

She grabbed my face and that's when she said

I like that you're broken

Broken like me

Maybe that makes me a fool

I like that you're lonely

Lonely like me

I could be lonely with you

Life is not a love song that we like

We're all broken pieces floating by

Life is not a love song, we can try

To fix our broken pieces one at a time

I like that you're broken

Broken like me

Maybe that makes me a fool

I like that you're lonely

Lonely like me

I could be lonely with you

I like that you're broken

Broken like me

Maybe that makes me a fool

I like that you're lonely

Lonely like me

I could be lonely with you

Post #714: Buddy Holly - "Maybe Baby" - Single

When I was living my life from a place of scarcity as I mentioned in my previous post, I stuck close to home and didn't get out much in order to save money.  Therefore, one thing I am really trying to work on this year is venturing out of my humble abode a bit more and enjoying the heck out of the rest of my life.  I have challenged myself to attend 2 - 3 events per month, and so far, so good!!  

I made it out to a brand new Dark Wave/New Wave/Synthpop event that is being hosted at a dive bar in Fort Worth at the beginning of this month, and last night, I caught the Garland Civic Theatre's performance of "The Buddy Holly Story."  It was such a delightful show, and the energy from the performers had the audience head-bopping, hand-clapping, and foot-tapping throughout the evening.

I wasn't sure what to expect, but I was beyond excited to learn more about Buddy Holly over a roughly 2 hour period.  I was blown away by how effortlessly the actors/actresses worked their way around the minimal stage set-up.  It was just a lighthearted way to pass the evening despite the tragic ending to the story itself.

It was pointed out to the audience that February 3, 2019, will mark the 60th anniversary of Buddy Holly's passing. In the playbill was a page that summarized Buddy Holly's influence on some prominent musicians.  I really had no idea that so many of the greats were inspired by Buddy Holly, but it increased my appreciation for him all the more.  

I'm looking at New Mexico for my next road trip, so I will definitely have to pass through Lubbock to check out all the Buddy Holly memorabilia.  I'll keep you posted.

In the meantime, go support these lovely performers... it will be the best $18.00 you spend this first part of 2019... I guarantee it!!

I already posted most of my favorite Buddy Holly tunes during Week Ninety-Three, but here are a few more for you today.  In addition to "Maybe Baby," I'll also offer you "Think It Over" and "It Doesn't Matter Anymore"... enjoy!!

Until next time...

XOXOXO

Anastasia

Maybe baby, I'll have you

Maybe baby, you'll be true

Maybe baby, I'll have you for me (all for me)

It's funny honey, you don't care

You never listen, to my prayer

Maybe baby, you will love me some day (someday)

Well, you are the one that makes me glad

And you are the one that makes me sad

When some day, you'll want me

Well, I'll be there, wait and see

Maybe baby, I'll have you

Maybe baby, you'll be true

Maybe baby, I'll have you for me (all for me)

Da-da-ta-da-da-da da-da-da

Da-da-ta-da-da-da da-da-da

Da-da-ta-da-da-da da-da-da

Ahh-ahh-ahh

Well, you are the one that makes me glad

And you are the one that makes me sad

When some day, you'll want me

Well, I'll be there, wait and see

Maybe baby, I'll have you

Maybe baby, you'll be true

Maybe baby, I'll have you for me (all for me)

Maybe baby I'll have you for me (you're for me)

Post #713: New Order - "True Faith" - Substance

So here we are... almost 15 days into the new year... and I realized that I did not share the song that brought me in to 2019!!

In the past, my end-of-the-year reflections have been focused on the previous year's occurrences, but this one is more about how my actions (i.e., getting out of debt once and for all) set me up for a brighter future ahead.

In fact, my Horoscope for December 31, 2018, was so lame and irrelevant that I selected my monthly Horoscope for January to document in my journal instead:

"Going into an ice cream shop or candy store that offers a wide variety of flavors can be mind boggling.  Even if you have certain preferences, the colorful names and scrumptious ingredients could make the choice quite difficult.  Sometimes having too many good things to choose from can make a decision much harder.  That may be the dilemma you are faced with this month as you strive to make an important decision about your future.  But keep it real and recognize that this is a really good 'problem' to have.  If you look at it that way, it will be easier to come to the very best decision."

You better believe that I would take this problem of too many choices any day of the week over the scarcity mindset in which I have lived the majority of my life!!

Regardless, the song that welcomed me in to 2019 was "True Faith" by New Order.  Even though the songwriter, Bernard Sumner, confirmed that this song is about drug dependency, one of my favorite things to do when I am pondering the meaning of a song is to browse through the comments on www.songmeanings.com to see if others have innovative thoughts about the lyrics.  I am rarely disappointed as was the case when I came across the following interpretations:

"i can only interpret this song in a very personal manner. after a very bad childhood i feel extraordinary because i survived and my life now depends on MY day to day life (the morning sun) instead of what happened to me in the past.

for me it is a song of great hope."

and

"As much as anything, to me, this song is about growing up and trading away dreams for short-term happiness."

I did that... I grew up and traded so many dreams... I will never fall victim to that ever again!!!

Until next time...

XOXOXO
Anastasia

I feel so extraordinary

Something's got a hold on me

I get this feeling I'm in motion

A sudden sense of liberty

I don't care 'cause I'm not there

And I don't care if I'm here tomorrow

Again and again I've taken too much

Of the things that cost you too much

I used to think that the day would never come

I'd see delight in the shade of the morning sun

My morning sun is the drug that brings me near

To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear

I used to think that the day would never come

That my life would depend on the morning sun

When I was a very small boy

Very small boys talked to me

Now that we've grown up together

They're afraid of what they see

That's the price that we all pay

And the value of destiny comes to nothing

I can't tell you where we're going

I guess there was just no way of knowing

I used to think that the day would never come

I'd see delight in the shade of the morning sun

My morning sun is the drug that brings me near

To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear

I used to think that the day would never come

That my life would depend on the morning sun

I feel so extraordinary

Something's got a hold on me

I get this feeling I'm in motion

A sudden sense of liberty

The chances are we've gone too far

You took my time and you took my money

Now I fear you've left me standing

In a world that's so demanding

I used to think that the day would never come

I'd see delight in the shade of the morning sun

My morning sun is the drug that brings me near

To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear

I used to think that the day would never come

That my life would depend on the morning sun

I used to think that the day would never come

I'd see delight in the shade of the morning sun

My morning sun is the drug that brings me near

To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear

I used to think that the day would never come

That my life would depend on the morning sun